5 Ways the New Zodiac Sign May Change Your Life
Time to toss out that collection of Cosmo’s Bedside Astrology guides. If you haven’t heard, there’s a new sign in town. With the introduction of Ophiuchus, the new horoscope sign, many aspects of your life may change.
Some for the better, some not so much.
Ophiuchus, tucked between Scorpio and Sagittarius, may aid in discovering whether you’ve been living the life of the wrong zodiac sign.
Here’s a look at five ways your life may change as a result of the new horoscope sign:
The Dating Scene
The ‘New’ Horoscope may bring back an old pick-up line, with a twist: “Hey baby, what was your sign?” The sign-line was never a good line in its original format.
Now, you’ll be subjected to it on a regular basis whenever you hit the bar scene. It’s best to start practicing your eye roll now to effectively demonstrate dissatisfaction with such lamesness.
What’s worse? There’s bound to be confusion as to whether people are aware of the new horoscope signs and dates . So, even if someone asks, or you dare to ask, how will you be able to decipher whether or not the information is correct?
Isn’t dating confusing enough already?
Sucks to be you, if you have a tattoo… and your tramp stamp is now a pointless tramp stamp. I’m glad my tramp stamp is just a plain ‘ol star. Maybe now when people ask, I’ll tell them it’s one of the stars from the constellation Ophiuchus. Of course, first I’ll have to figure out how to pronounce Ophiuchus.
If you do have the “wrong” zodiac symbol as a tattoo, hopefully you can hide it, or possibly even make it work with a new tattoo of the new horoscope sign. There’s bound to be a tattoo artist that will make it work.
Divorce Rate Reaches the Stars
Well, what are you to do now? You based your compatibility on a sign that wasn’t really yours. While it may explain why you argue with your spouse so much, it doesn’t help make up for all those wasted years with the wrong person.
Due to the shifting dates of your horoscope sign, I expect the divorce rate will skyrocket as individuals seek their correct compatible mates. The idea of “star-crossed” will be debunked, and everyone will find his/her soul mate now.
World peace may be upon us. Isn’t that good news?
The New Horoscope Signs & Your Personality
If your sign has shifted, you’ll have to get a whole new personality. Sorry, but the old one was just wrong. If you’ve been quiet and reserved because the stars have demanded it, now it might be time to come out of that shell.
With the stars shifting the zodiac, there’s no need for an identity crisis. It won’t take long for a new book to come out and explain exactly who you should be now. If not soon enough, there may be a boom in the therapy business.
And now with these new Ophiuchus people running around, what kind of personality has been thrown into the mix? I’m fairly certain 12 personalities were difficult enough to master. The Ophiuchus description notes the sign is a lucky one, so hopefully no new personality disorders will be introduced.
Consider the plus side: if everything about your life is wrong, you may have even been on the wrong career path, which means you’ll get to go back to college! Woo hoo!
New Horoscope = New Destiny
Have you always felt destined for more? Maybe something in your life just doesn’t feel right?
Now the answer is clear. You’ve been meandering along the wrong path. You may, in fact, be destined for greatness instead of the mundane existence you’ve been cursing all these years. Dust off that cape you bought on a whim; you may need it now as you embark on a new zodiac adventure.
Next thing to change: the weather. Maybe we could work on adding a new season, one that will be warm. Could that possibly be in the stars? If not, at least change spellchecks everywhere to include this new zodiac sign. (These red lines are really irritating me.)